Declutter Yourself to Find What Matters

You've got an amazing inner compass...there's just a lot of stuff blocking your view.

Image by: bernie_photo

I have a vision of my future. Maybe vision is the wrong word. Desire? It’s an idea for a future-me that is so simple, so peaceful, that my thinking mind generally concludes that I must be missing something. 

In this idyllic picture, I live near the sea–probably the Mediterranean, based on the color and the way it gently laps up against the limestone studded shore. The community around me moves more slowly than in America and they speak a language that is not my own. I can communicate when I need to, but this language shift seems to help me cocoon a bit, focus in on my own rhythm more. In this place, I hike along the coastline before my morning croissant and cappuccino, swim in the sparkling sea, wander villages, write my book, and host friends and clients. And the food? It’s simple and nourishing and local. I smile a lot, living this life.

Even the imagining of it now brings into my body a head-to-toe sigh that has a delicious buzzing quality to it. And I will tell you, this is not all imagination. I have been to this place I am describing and my Soul had this very reaction there, in person, that I am having right now. So, I know it is one of my personal, magical spots in this world. 

But the part that gives me pause is the living there part. I love the idea, I crave the idea. 

But I wonder: would I end up bringing the stress-part of my thinking out of this life and into that new picture? The niggling, low-level, undefined sense of something that interferes with my capacity to live a peaceful life right now? 

To be clear, I have no love-and-light-type illusion that stress is simply a mental game. There is genocide happening in the world right now, and in multiple places. There is a large portion of humanity without access to clean water and regular food. And there are folks living with the daily stress of not earning a living wage and having safe, reliable housing. The reality of it all is heartbreaking when there is so much wealth in this world, and we are living in a time that is steeped in it. To fully live our lives, we generally either stay focused on it all and try to make a difference, or we find a way to compartmentalize enough to get on with our own personal day. Either way, the list of stressors is not hard to find. These things are obvious and often the topic of daily news.

But there is another kind of stress affecting us. A kind that is so folded into the batter of this society that it is often necessary to prove its ill-effects. 

Every generation has its own culturally-agreed-upon set of markers that define what a life of value looks like. A handful of ideas that everyone exposed to media is affected by, regardless of whether they are aware of them, or agree with them. This time we are currently living in has a very specific mandate–one that, at the end of the day, threatens inner peace and personal satisfaction in a way we may not even realize–and it is a terribly slippery one because it is composed of so many pieces.

• You must create something that makes a difference.

• You must become widely known for something extraordinary.

• You haven’t got enough money and things.

• You need other–more capable–people to decide the rules that govern your life.

• You need to be productive each day.

• You need to look a certain way.

• You need to look young, particularly if you are a woman.

• You need to find your purpose and monetize it.

This is by no means a complete list of all the pressures of our current culture. But it doesn’t have to be, because these few things are already enough to ensure near-constant anxiety and a sense of deep dissatisfaction with life. And how do we listen to our intuition and trust our own rhythms when this is the kind of framework we unconsciously run our life through? Everywhere we look, we are inundated with pictures of other people’s well-crafted version of their personal story. It’s all run through filters, literally and metaphorically. And when we see every moment as something that should either be fit for sharing with the world or at least measured based on what others are sharing, where does that leave us? How do we remember simplicity and personal satisfaction? 

Sometimes I wonder: What would we value if there were no mirrors or cameras in the world? Would we put the same energy into skin care? Working out? What if we knew we wouldn’t see another living soul for years? Where would we put our focus?

Suddenly the things we call self-care now start to look a lot more like they belong in the category of “self-improvement.” 

I also like to consider this: What if, at the end of my life, I was asked by the Universe (my version of a god-like convo), How did you live Love in your life? I can feel, in the gathering of my answer, how little money and achievement would matter to me. I would speak about the raising of my son, my care of animals, and all the areas I acted from motivation to give without being seen and applauded for my actions.

From that place, when I return back to the future-life-picture I mentioned earlier, I find that it is in the simple awareness of the slippery stressors of life that I begin to find more freedom. The worry that I will bring stress into that future scenario lessens, because I start to see that the list of current “shoulds” is just a story running through our culture. One we can all decide whether or not to give air-time to in our lives. But before we can choose where we want to stand, we have to recognize that it’s there. 

My teacher, Martha Beck, offers a great exercise to find your way through the layers of societal and familial priorities you are living so you can get closer to the way you truly want to live. 

She calls it, Find the Feeling. 

It goes like this: Imagine an ideal future for yourself. Get specific and limit it to a single day, if that helps. Where are you? What do you do when you wake up? What does your bedroom look like? Your house? How do you spend the day? What do you eat? What kind of activities do you do? What kind of work? Then ask yourself: How do I feel in this ideal day? Notice what’s happening in your body.

If it’s easier, you can choose to create a specific scenario. For example: How do I feel if I imagine that I have just won 5 million dollars (a great one because it often highlights what would matter to you in life if money were not a factor)? Perhaps a better one for you might involve an ideal place to live, or a relationship, or a job. Whatever it is, imagine yourself fully and completely in it–and try to get the picture clear down to the finest detail. Then notice how it feels.

How you feel.

When you get there, create a mental bookmark. 

This is the feeling you want more of in your life. 

Whenever something elicits that feeling–even if it’s a distant cousin version of the feeling, it still counts–notice it. 

Equally as important, notice when something shuts the feeling down. What gets in the way for you?

For me, the whole list I mentioned above gets in the way of the ease that I crave, and I finally got tired of battling each one individually. So now, I’ve got them all lumped together into a file I call The World’s Priorities. 

What’s the value in this? Well, by getting clear that these things create stress and then giving them a collective name, we are left with a new, open space.

This new space seems to yearn for the title: My Priorities. 

And then the fun part begins. What will you decide to add to your blank space? I’ve always rolled my eyes a bit at the whole exercise of creating a vision board, but let’s be honest: that’s exactly what this is. 

When we become aware of the priorities that are not ours, we create an empty canvas inside ourselves. We become our own vision board.

Then the only question is: What will you put on your board?